A Litany of Limericks—Group I
The Teaser
A sexy strip teaser named Suzie
Often would tease and confuse me
Whenever she danced,
I watched her entranced
And it took a long time to de-fuse me.
The Cowardly Lion
A bushy-maned lion names Ozzie
Roared exceptionally loud just becoz he
Was afraid of a mouse
That he saw in his house
But he wasn’t a coward--or waz he?
The Inspection
In event that you used no discretion
You might have acquired an infection
So just drop your pants
Assume the right stance
We’re having a short arm inspection
Feather Dancing
A graceful Louise danced with ease
With feathers that hung to her knees
But when the wind blew
Away they all flew
Exposing much more of Louise
Soap Bubbles?
I scrubbed using soap to get clean
In the tub when some bubbles were seen
I knew then, of course,
Soap wasn’t the source
Cause I had been eating some beans
Paranoid
Is your life put on hold and you feel null and void
Are you the one only who people avoid
No calls on the phone,
In crowds you’re alone?
My friend ,you are just paranoid
Ventura
Minnesotans all wished for a curer,
A political man who was purer
But all that they found
Was a mouth on a clown,
So they have to endure a Ventura
Available Mabel
A homely young lady named Mabel
With her looks any man could disable
When you couldn’t get kisses
From the pretty young misses
Miss Mabel was willing and able
The Pro
A sexy young pro from Glen Dilling
Appeared to be eager and willing
For a pence from this miss
You could get a quick kiss
But you’d get a bit more for a shilling
No Sissy Eatin’ for Texas He-men
To some folk it might seem romantic
To eat the stuff labeled organic
But Bubba told Willy
This seems rather silly
To a steak-eatin Texas He man(ic)
Out of Gas
Out of gas Russell's his car may be true
So he tried to seduce Betty Sue
When she finally said yes,
(I will bet you can guess)
Ole Russell was out of gas, too.
Bubble Trouble
When he’s snockered ole Russ gets in trouble
Like the time in a bar he met Bubbles
When he told Bubbles that
For him she’s too fat
Ole Russ was by then seein doubles
Watch out for the Mickeys
To a saloon staggered Russell and Vern
Where they picked up little Daisy and Fern
They thought they’d be tricky,
But they drank their own mickey
Some guys, you know, never will learn
Russell and Duff were not able
To outsmart misses Maisy and Mabel
The boys had both thunk
They would get the girls drunk
But the girls drank them under the table
Handy Andy
A gentle shy fellow named Andy
With girls appeared not to be handy
When he grew more aggressive
And somewhat possessive,
They had to tell Andy, unhand me.
Larry the Lover
I’m a lover said Larry to Mary
I’m not any Tom, Dick or Harry
But I get into trubba
With Bernie and Bubba
So Mary of Larry was wary